New life, new mindsets
I have 2 little kids: a 3 years old daughter and a 1-year-old son. As you can imagine that my beloved monkeys often jump around and ask for my attention :) For me it simply means no more lying down on the couch after work. It’s like a second long term work, from which you can’t be fired. ;)
Before having them I was free as a bird, quite focused, hustling, making things done and expecting the same from others. Without a pressure but with a strong sense of discipline.
When I became a father it has seriously changed my life. Suddenly I was no longer the master of my time and space. The kid had it (when my son was born it was even more complicated – Imagine having 2 bosses with 2 different needs!). This small creature was in the middle of my world which was spinning around it. 3 years later nothing has changed :)
This very different perspective gives me a new point of view which I would love to share. If you don’t have kids don’t get me wrong – I won’t be explaining why some people sometimes have a lack of productivity at work or seem to be tired – I will rather show you how to look at parents differently at work as well as how my perception of people who don’t have kids has changed (in both cases in a very positive way).
Discover your superpowers
So you have a kid and you are in love with it (or them). Imagine these little fingers and first smile – everything is so cute. On top of that you rise some superpowers:
- You can deal with a sleep deprivation
- You can sing songs (Christmas carols are the best)
- You can draw an elephant that looks like an ink dot
- You can turn into a horse for 2 hours (or even more)
- You can answer „WHY” 6 times in a row (trust me, you get curious about things when you see kids asking)
- And many others depending on your kid’s needs.
Moreover, you gain new knowledge about emotions and behaviours. In modern society, there are hundreds of schools that teach how to raise kids. I’ve learned about self-regulation, NVC (Non-Violent Communication) and many other concepts. Some of them blew my mind. I didn’t have an awareness and understanding of the human being when it is 1, 3 or 5 years old and what causes some hard situation. When I understood that, it had changed my life for the better. Having this in mind, I’ve decided to give you a piece of advice on how to adapt kids’ knowledge to the coworkers’ environment.
Lessons from raising kids that help at work
#1 – Be patient – how often we are getting angry at the workplace? Then we are looking for the victim – someone to blame. In the kids’ world, this is the worst thing you can do – be inpatient and blame for small failures. In such a case, you make a situation where you raise a kid that is not confident and not willing to take a risk. If you transfer it to the workplace you should understand that people make mistakes and it’s fine. You are there to give them feedback and make sure they improve next time. It requires goodwill and patience.
#2 – Create borders and agreements – in general kids do whatever they want until someone stops them. In my household, we create rules and agreements for cooperation like “Only one cookie after the lunch”. It creates introduces a sense of discipline but moreover creates a strong relationship between me and my kid as we agreed on something together and we follow it. It makes our relationship stronger. At work, you can do the same – put your expectations upfront, agree with the 2nd party and build trust on top of that. It will make your life way easier.
#3 Have empathy – in the adult world, it’s easy to judge and criticize. Without knowing the context you aren’t able to fully understand the unfulfilled need so you won’t react properly. Example: you see that someone is in a bad mood so you try to avoid such a person instead of helping. With kids is different. You can’t ignore them – they will cry, scream or even stay silent but somehow they will express their emotions – you can’t ignore them. You simply ask about their feelings, you name their emotions and try to understand what’s wrong. You hug them and make them feel important so they understand that someone cares. It’s sensitive and the world is missing that at workplaces a lot nowadays.
Next time you see that someone in the office is upset, try to jump into that person’s shoes, be super kind and obsessive about the needs. By showing a great amount of empathy we not only build a higher sense of our humanity but also loyalty, together with driving motivation to work as a strong team. For many people (both adults and kids) empathy means that you care and they are important for you.
(BONUS) #4 Tell me about your (real) needs- kids are perfect at lying. What I noticed was that when my daughter doesn’t like my behaviour or I ignore her while scrolling something on my phone, she interrupts me by telling me that she needs attention. At work people aren’t that brave – they usually are afraid of the boss and if so, feedback quite often never pops up. Moreover, when they change the job, they do not tell what are the real reasons behind their decision. What is more, we live in an environment of political correctness instead of transparency and honest communication (honesty improves the quality of cooperation a lot). I know that in some cases telling the truth is hard and some people prefer to live in kind of illusions but trust me – honesty prevents from causing a great number of problems. If you like this concept then I recommend you to read a chapter of “12 rules of Life” by Jordan Peterson – he goes deeper into this topic.
Of course, there are far more valuable lessons from raising kids like “not everything goes according to the plan”. This topic is quite rich, but when it comes to me, the above-mentioned concepts are the most useful as are crucial for improvements in our work and the way we deal with people around us on a daily basis.
I recommend you to watch the workshop about Non-Violent Communication and read books written by Jesper Juul
P.S. Being a Dad is like having start-up you can’t fail. With ups and downs. It’s a longterm game, but it’s worth it. Children are the best mirror we can have in life.
Plus in many cases, it’s easy to have investors (grandparents love their grandchildren) ;)
How about you? What did you learn from your kids than can be applied in your the workplace?
